Moments of regrets

I am so done, done with dealing with everything.

For the whole month, that I was so stress, I just want to unwine.
I just want to club.

I just want to let down my hair to the right music.

I always had uncanny kind of support from my husband.

Then I realise, I wasn't good enough. I was never good enough.

I thought I have a soul mate to tell what happened in my life, my complains, my fustrations.
I thought wrong. I always thought I can count on him.
I thought wrong.

It was all my fault that everything happened. I can't complain, even if it my fault.
All the choices that I made, I MADE.
Spending less time with my friends, chosing to be with him.

And now I claiming credits for stating that out.
I felt so unappreciated, and I have to remind him the choices that I made.
I am not saying I super incredible and generous, I just saying I made these choices and willing to made the choices.

And he say he didn't say he didn't force me, and ask me to go with my friends.

That sentence choked me.

I am always the buffer , the buffer between the both of you. End up, I still I am not a good daughter-in-law , wife and mother in future.

FUCKING chee bye. REAllie literally. OR whatever, the swearing means. WHO is the fucking netshell who convey the message that our virgina in hokkien is a swear. HE Is really one hell of a dick head.

I am tired reallie tired. Tired of doing it REAllie, tired of running two houses and get the blame for putting my stuff here and there and forgetting where I put it. I reallie tired.

Tired of sparing a thought for his mom or him and being turned around and say that I am the selfish one.

I never buy anything for him.

I am not good enough, not good enough.

Just fuck off, go find a better one.