Home alone

U know, being staying at Ronnie's for five days.. just to study. my source of motivation...

Attention seeking symptom starts again, I was fustrated with him not paying attention me.. For me, i wan quality time with him. For him, it seems that when we are together, it is a source of companion..

He said something today: " it seems that my attention is never enough."
It got me thinking. And i replied him: " it's the quality time not the quantity time." Explain the differences.

Still love him though, i saw him watching me sleep, the other day.. he he...
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*mushy* I know...

At times, I am amazed of myself. I can get fustrated with everyone, including myself.
The inferiority that I have, I always blamed on my mom.
Do you ever feel you always try to live up to ur mom's expectation? But u never get it right.
Never felt self-worthy because, she thinks it never enough..
Yes! I blame it on you, MOM!
ur love for me drive me to a constant hate and pain.
Ur concern for me is nothing but a traditional thinking you can't rid of.
U live in ur parent's cage and put me in me one.
The vicious cycle never stop.
My heart feels cold and void.
But I brought upon myself, right?

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Sometimes, I live in a world of bitterness.
Yet, no heart to inflict hurt on people that I love or know.
Yet, sometimes, in a urge of moment,
I wan to purge their hearts of pain and sorrow.
Yet, not sure why I don't
Creating opportunities for hurt,
Strike it at the right time.
Smiling with glee when they're hurt.
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So stay away from me... refuse me..
Go away..
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But yet, I seek ur attention.

Humans are always a contracting creature right?
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God make me right again..
amen..