INSECURE

Awake , listening to the rustling leaves outside my house.
My very own house.

I am not too sure if why the house feels so empty.
I am not too sure why.

Self-pity? Anger? Insecure?
Like I look back, I came back a pretty long way.

At the age of 27, I have completed my degree. I am married for a year.
I am a owner of a house. I started a new job.

So what more do I want?

Your words are taking a toil on me. Each words pierce my heart.
I picked up cooking, trying to keep the house as tidy as much as possible.
I completed my degree, tried to keep my anger in check.

I keep feeling that I keep holding on something , that I don't know if it would burst one day.
I don't want it to be a one-sided affair.

My tiny world will collapsed, because you had been plastering the holes all the while.

If I turned up at 4am looking for you, coming back upset , because I saw your beautiful wife and kids. I am can't take it. - quoted from Adele

If I keep changing, and you still find ways to pick on me.
Leave me alone, because I know I have been fighting and changing.

It's a challenge for me to take care of your mom's feelings.
I hate every single bit being with her. Because of her taunts, uncalled for jokes.
It has been getting to me each passing years.
I have no room for compassion.

I am really not a bad person.
But I have dealing with my Mum-in-law. And I have no qualms about taking care of her.
I don't think I can deal with staying with her.
However, it seemed like if I were to opt for our husband and wife's world of our own, I am a bad person. I am not filial .

I go bershek, after the painful incident.
I can't let you out of my sight.
I can't keep the pain inside.
It is too much to bear.
I can't let go.

I can't let go.

Ade