THe closed door

I think i literally have closed the door.
I felt the sadness and bitterness for the last two months..
I dwelled in my past,
the things I do and the things I shouldn't do.
Seriously, I don't what I want.
But At least, I know what I do in future.

But I certainly can't understand the things now.
THe phase that I am going through.
Certainly, I am not a typical gal.
I know life for me ain't easy.
I go through the hard way before I can get my Fruits of my labour.

BUT I CAN't stand being compared,
or rather not, NOt getting attention.
I DUN have to Get attention from pple I dunno.
BUT having not being, thought about, bittered me.
Friends come and go,
but I need one here to stay.

BUt it seems they are so far away.
I dunno wht to make out of a friend who takes my flaws of and make me notice them infront of me. Esp the Flaws of God's creation, that I trying to hide.
And keeps emphasizing them.
And the one who supposed to be my good friend.
But who wants me to consider wan to drop my degree?
The one who says " up to now u can't hitch a guy who has car?"

The love from my boyfriend who is unconditioned..
BUT It's me who Think he doesn't love me enough.
MAybe he doesn't say it.
Maybe he shows it.
BuT i dunno what i can do , NOT to feel this way.

STOP ABdanoning ME!
STOp!

I can't go to church without crying and not knowing what I want.
WHy I am here and noT Moving.
I onli feel the temporarily moment of peace within myself.
I feel closed up, I dun feel to know anybody, I feel myself closed up, my cell group can't penetrate my thoughts.
BUt that if anybody notices it.

I dun wan to know anybody anymore.
I dunno to love whole heartedly anymore.
I dunno how to get My dad to talk to me.

I dunno what I have, that anyone appreciates?
Does anybody even appreciate the thing I do?

STOP criticizing me.
I know what i am and u dun have to say it.
BUT I FUCking well know.!!
JUST STOP
JUST STop!